Father and Son
by Cassie5squared
Summary: Remus is fully intent on moving straight back out of his father's house after his mother's funeral. Lyall is not so convinced that this is a good idea. A sequel piece to Farewell to Hope.


Arguments were, as a rule, rare in the Lupin household. Partly because everyone got along well enough to begin with, but also because there was enough to worry about without making the stress worse.

But there was definitely an argument going on right now.

"I really don't see why it has to be like this," Lyall said, watching his son from across the kitchen table, where they'd been eating breakfast in a mostly-awkward silence up till a minute ago. "You're acting like you're not wanted here, Remus, and that's the furthest thing from the truth."

"You know full well why I'm not staying, Dad, and it's nothing to do with feeling unwanted." Remus shook his head, resigned to the fact they were apparently going to have this conversation. "You've got enough to do. You put it on hold long enough while you were looking after Mum, you shouldn't have to keep stopping on my behalf."

"It's a couple of days a month. I'm used to it, you're hardly going to give me any more trouble than you did before -"

"I don't want to give you _any_ trouble." Frustrated, Remus pushed his plate away and got up, leaning against a worktop with his arms tightly folded. "You have been looking after me for over thirteen _years_ , Dad. You and Mum both. And look what it did to her. I'm not -" He bit his lip. "I can be out of your hair. You don't have to make sure I'm looked after. I can make my own arrangements for full moon, I've even got a place of my own now. I can cope."

"You say that like it'll actually make me stop worrying," Lyall retorted, though concern was still clear in every move as he got up, mirroring his son's pose. "It's not just about helping when you're not well, it's knowing you're safe full stop."

Remus regarded him in silence for several moments. "This is about the war, isn't it?"

Lyall shrugged helplessly. "Yes. And why shouldn't it be?"

"I'm not backing out of what I agreed to." Remus set his jaw. "I've already told you, the Order needs every willing wand. James, Lily, Sirius, even Peter, they all agreed without a second thought. I can't do any less."

"You don't have to do something just because your friends are."

"It's not just about that!" Remus snapped, his already-strained temper fraying. "It's about fighting Voldemort, Dad, it's about trying to save _lives_!"

"And what about _your_ life?" Lyall strode round the table and caught Remus's shoulders, heart breaking as he gazed at the tall, thin boy of eighteen whose eyes spoke of a far longer, sadder life already. "Are you really so determined to risk yourself like this? For people who won't even be grateful?"

Remus shrugged his father's hands off and sidestepped away, struggling to hold back the rage-laden venom that sprang to his lips at the reminder.

 _And whose fault is it that nobody will ever be grateful that I'm alive?_ he wanted to snarl. _Who marked me as a target by mouthing off to Greyback? Who ensured that I'd have to live as an untouchable monster? Don't you dare try to guilt-trip me like that._

But he knew those words were cruel, and unfair, and would only hurt his father too badly to ever take them back. And so he swallowed them down again and turned away, running his hands through his hair as he tried to formulate a more reasonable response.

"It's not about getting thanked," he said eventually. "It's about doing the right thing. I'm not trying to be a hero, Dad; I'm just good at what I'm doing, and if it means risking my life so some little kid grows up safe - or even just grows up - it's worth it."

Lyall had seen the flicker of rage and resentment, and understood the unspoken words that lay behind it. He couldn't blame Remus, not when he still hated himself for those thoughtless words in front of Greyback.

Waiting quietly until his son had finished speaking, he let out a sigh and took a moment to consider before replying. "If you don't feel you can leave altogether, then at least step back for a while. They'll understand you need a break after everything."

"Why is it so important now? You weren't this concerned back when I first joined them."

Lyall stepped closer and laid a hand on Remus's shoulder. "We buried your mother not three days ago," he said softly, feeling a lump rise in his throat as the thin shoulders tensed. "I'm not sure if I could stand having to bury my son as well."

The silence stretched on, filled with tension that grew thicker by the second.

Then Remus turned abruptly and hugged Lyall with the desperation of utter misery as he broke down. "I'm sorry, Dad, I'm _sorry_ ," he sobbed quietly. "I didn't mean to - I'm not mad at you - I just -"

"It's all right. I know." Lyall blinked back his own tears and stroked Remus's hair, hugging him as though he was still a little boy instead of a grown man. "I miss her too."

Hope had been the glue that held the little family together, easing the rough spots rising from her husband's near-crippling guilt and her son's condition. Without her, both of them felt a little bit lost.

As soon as he felt calm enough, Remus pulled away, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Look, Dad," he said shakily, "I do appreciate what you're trying to do. I know you're looking out for me the best way you can. But I don't think I'll feel any safer sitting around here than I would out there. I need to be doing something, or I'll drive myself mad worrying. Besides… be honest. There's really not much else I can do with my life. Nobody's hiring a sick kid straight out of school. James is being _incredibly_ generous in helping me out and swears if I ever get paid work he'll let me pay him back. All I really have to offer at the moment is whatever Dumbledore thinks I'm any help with. And... Dad, we both know I owe him _big_ for what he's done for me."

Lyall bit his lip. He knew Remus was right - knew it wasn't fair to try to stop him - but the nightmarish image of his only child lying pale and cold and still refused to be banished so easily.

"Just a few days then," he said, almost pleading. "No more than a week. I'm not going to try to stop you from doing what you feel needs doing, but I would be very grateful for at least a few guaranteed days with you close by. Where I know you're all right."

Remus thought it over, sighed heavily, and nodded. "All right. I'll write to the others today and tell them I need a week or so. Maybe it'll do me good to take a bit of time out."

"I hope so." Lyall squeezed Remus's shoulders again, even managing a little smile. "Merlin knows I've not seen enough of you since you started school."

They both had to chuckle at that. They'd been so close when Lyall and Hope were their son's only teachers that the separation had been rather difficult on all sides.

"I've missed this place," Remus admitted. "Maybe we can go on a field trip or something, look for a fairy nest. It's been a while since we did that."

The idea seemed to perk Lyall up. "Sounds like a plan. If you're done with breakfast, then, I'll clear up and you can write to your friends, and then we can plan what to do with this next week."

"Thanks, Dad." Remus hugged him again and headed upstairs to his old room to find some parchment.

It wouldn't solve everything, of course not, but perhaps it could at least help start the healing they both needed.


End file.
